It is so often that we do not care about someone really precious to us, about someone who desperately needs your love and care - your inner Child. No matter how old are you 20, 40, or 60 small child still lives there in the very depth of your inner Self.
May be now you are a successful business woman, but there is still small child hiding somewhere in the corner of your soul - frightened, crying, desperate for help. Or, perhaps you are a prosperous businessman, defining the fate of hundreds of people with one stroke of a pen? But behind the external confidence of Superman there is a kid, whom adults have left alone in the apartment; he is very lonely and scary.
Who is your inner child? What does he/she look like? Is she/he cheerful or sad? What are his thoughts? Desires?
Let's find out...
Surely he looks like you at the age of five or six. Alas, almost every child suffered mental trauma. In most cases caused by parents. Later, as adults, we continue to live under the burden of its consequences. Listen to your inner monologue. Does it resemble you your own parent grumbling?
Such horrible things being said to many of us
- Your birth prevented me from graduating.
- If I would have son and not daughter, your father would not have left us!
- You horrible behavior will bring me to heart attack!
- Who did you get so stupid about?
- Nobody wants to marry such a slut!
- And why didn't I go for an abortion? and so on and so on....
By the time of growing up, thousands of such notations have already been accumulated in us, and annoyingly just few words of love, approval and support. In the end, all our lives, we either criticize ourselves with our parental words, or avoid childhood memories, as they cause us discomfort. We believe our parents that we are not good enough and do not deserve love.
The roots of adult immaturity - in childhood
And so the wounded child grows up and enters the World. Unfortunately such person, with childhood trauma, is grown up only at passport. An old psycho-trauma hinders full maturity.
Take a look around you. See that hard looking guy, without any emotions on his face, in a suit and tie? But he is only four years old, at this age his father forbade him to express his emotions openly as this is not manlike. Now his face is a permanent mask of rigor. Or look at that desperately flirty overripe maiden - she is no more than five. The voice of her mother still echoes in her head: “Who will only marry the ugly one?” Or look at this infinitely alone man. He is in his 50th and still has no family. All because he can not accept himself. Part of his Inner Self is from the early childhood and not good at all for anyone, as per his parents. Or that 40 years old man, who is not taking responsibility for his family, as he still hears his mother's voice, saying that all man are not worthy and can not take care....List can go on.
And this Inner Child reflects himself so often in our adult lives. For most people, this inner Self, reflects on the past negative experiences and tries to protect us from stressful situations, but is doing it in the very negative way, preventing us from maturity as an individual. And for those of us, who are lucky to have children, unfortunately, if we do not consciously work on ourselves, we reproduce same scenario of attitudes towards our own children. At the level of automatism, we recreate the atmosphere that prevailed in the parental family.
"Ugly child!" "Your birth prevented me from getting a university degree ..." "If not for you, I could get married again ..." and so on, in a closed vicious circle. We sound “adult” notations “recorded” in our heads, considering them to be correct, since we simply did not hear anything else.
So the once traumatized parents subconsciously traumatize their own children. And they certainly will do the same with their grandchildren ...
Stop! Your inner child needs your help!
Like many years ago, our inner child is desperately lacking the love and attention of adults. Having matured, we have one benefit, we are able to give it to ourselves! Each of us can heal all aspects of our personality. This should be done for the sake of our development, for the achievement of happiness and success in life.
First of all, we should completely accept ourselves. Accept all those parts of yourself that are not good enough - sloppy, clumsy, stupid, cowardly. Remember everything that once made you experience a burning shame ...
Give your inner child a few minutes right now. Remember what it looks like. Imagine that you take your inner Child by hand. Look in his eyes. Hug him. Tell him that everything is all right with him, and you love him for who he is. Admit that no matter what, he is the best for you! He needs to know so much, that you do care about him.
Now you're all right!
Make rule to yourself to keep talking to your inner child very often. Ideally, you should devote a couple of hours a week. Find old photos of yourself, look into your eyes and talk to him. Try to understand what he feels.
Ask him what can you do to make him happy? What does he want at the moment more than anything else? You can take him with you to do your daily stuff, walking a dog, or going to movie, or doing groceries, and in everything you do together praise him and reflect your love and acceptance to him.
How to communicate with the inner child?
You need to be very percistent to establish connection with your inner child. Keep your childhood photo on visible place. From time to time ask this pretty child on the picture any questions that worry you. Your intuition will tell you the answer, and the connection with this part of your inner self will be improved.
If you are in your elder age, maybe your mid-60th, before you will start working with your inner-child you need to ask him for forgiveness that you ignored him for so many years. Say that now you intend to catch up that you really love him.
Even best practice to establish connection with your inner child is using the mirror. Recline in the chair or on the couch, place mirror in front of you and look deep into your eyes. The longer you will look the more obviously you will see how back from the mirror you see pair of childish eyes of your inner child. Now start talking to him, asking for forgiveness, and explaining how you do care about him. This practice is so powerful, that very mature adult man cry as babies - do not prevent yourself from any emotions,, say the words of love that you lacked as a child!
Another very powerful practice is writing to your inner child.
Prepare a large piece of paper and two different color pens. Divide the paper in two by a vertical line. Now ask your inner child any question writing it with your leading hand in one column and write answer with the opposite hand and different color in other column. Be ready to be surprised with the answers!
Contrary to expectations, they are unpredictable!
Now try to draw a portrait of your inner child with colored pencils. You do not need to achieve physical similarities, you need to reflect feelings, that your inner child has now. If the picture turned out to be positive, the child on it looks happy, it means that you have done the work successfully. If not, continue to communicate with your inner Child, till he will feel happy.
When you will re-connect with your inner Child and you will heal him, very soon you will see remarkable changes in your life. From now on do not ignore child in yourself. Be creative, play, relax, do what you didn’t allow yourself before, and be sure to enjoy it! Walk barefoot through the puddles, jump in a pile of autumn leaves, drench with a stream from a hose, as all happy children do.
Healed child inside will make your life more healthy and full, joyful and successful. Love yourself without any conditions. Just because you are.
And be happy!